Freedom from Drama

I used to wonder
How there was always
So much chaos and
So much confusion in my life.
It was a never ending tragedy
With me in the starring role of
The Damsel in Distress.
The same damsel
Romanticized across pop culture.
You saw her everywhere -
Books, Movies, Theater, Music.
Waiting for her knight in shining armor
Who'd swoop in and save the day.
Or her. Save her. Fix her. Love her.
She didn't have a solid sense of self
She allowed what she saw
To dictate who she became.

Cut to now.
She sees through what it was really.
She just didn't want to take responsibility for herself.
She thought it was someone else's job.
She was taking care of everyone else but her
So that means others should take care of her?
What kind of warped logic was that?
Turns out she'd misunderstood how life operated
On a very fundamental level.

In her perpetual search for
Love, acceptance and protection
Outside of herself
She kept giving away her power to others
Who didn't know their own power either.
She was contributing to the drama
To get her needs met.
But they weren't met.
They couldn't be.
Instead she created self-defeating patterns
That became unconscious prisons for the mind.

Now I love myself
I honor who I am
I'm learning to take full responsibility for me.
I cannot save or fix others
Just like they cannot save or fix me.
We can inspire each other yes
But each person has to put in the work
For themselves for it's an inside job.

When most battles are in the mind
I'm the only one who can untangle
And free myself of the mess I created.
This is not selfishness.
This is being self-full.
This is stepping out of the way
So each person can step into their own power
Without enabling the bad behavior
That romanticizes playing the victim.

Turns out the victim is not the hero
Even in pop culture.
I want to be the hero in my own story.
I swoop in to save the day.
I take very good care of me.
Oh and I steer clear of drama.
Turns out I cannot be confused
And clear at the same time.
So I deliberately choose clarity.
Tis Time to step out of the victim hood.
No time to create drama really
When you've got to go be a hero!

a*k²

Redefining Cool

I'm constantly surprised
By how many people think
Getting away with something
Is smart.
Making a promise and not keeping it
Means nothing.
Being rude is cool.
That gentleness is a weakness.
That kindness means open to exploitation.
That being nice is being foolish.
That to be truly successful
Is to be selfish not self-full
To Always watch your back
To plan and plot and scheme
Not just to build your own empire
But to profit at another's expense
So they can get to the top faster.

What is this top that everyone is after?
If the journey involves
Piling up so much negative Karma
How can the destination grant happiness?

I want a different kind of journey.
The kind of journey that puts
Joy right in the middle of it.
I'm starting to see how once this happens
I don't seem to care too much about the destination.
The only certain destination I have is death.
While I'm on my way there
I want to go alive, punching, kicking
Laughing & crying
But feeling like I've lived my life
While I still had the chance.
That's the kind of cool I'm after.

a*k²

Of Masks & Layers

Turns out being who I am
Is the most difficult thing in the world.
Always has been.
How did we manage to create a society
That provides every incentive
For someone who fits in
And every punishment
For someone who doesn't?
How can everyone fit in?
How can it be that everyone
Is inherently how the world demands they be
So they can fit in?

Of Masks & Layers
Telling people what they want to hear
Convinced there's no way out.
Slipping in and out
One mask for this and another for that
Add a layer here to protect the self from abandonment
And another there for self-preservation
Oh will 20 layers suffice?
Or wait does that need to be 200?
What is the exact number?
There's got to be an algorithm for that!

Of Masks & Layers
So many masks and so many layers
To toe the line, to bend the knee.
To agree when you disagree
To say yes when you mean no
To become tired of getting
To the truth between the lies
To make promises, no intention to keep
But hey it was to keep the peace.

Of Masks & Layers
Consequences for betraying the self
Building up in the invisible bank account.
But wait my financials are strong.
Oh ok, yes I will pay off the loans one day.

Of all the Masks & all the Layers
Who am I on the inside?
Of every decision I let the world make for me
How many are truly mine?

- a*k²

The Journey Within

I know what you're looking for.
You think I can give it to you,
Because you think that I have found it.
But the more you look for yourself in me,
I will only disappoint you.
It was never mine to give you.
It was, is and always will be yours
To rediscover when you're brave enough
To make the journey within.
I can promise you this though,
Once you've found it,
You will do whatever it takes to keep it.
Just one glimpse of her
And I'm addicted.

a*k²