Steve Jobs famously said:
“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out
your own inner voice."
It's fantastic really
How you're absolutely clear about what you want one moment
And the world around you sings in chorus
Telling you/arguing with you
That they know what you want
And it's different from what you want for yourself.
Initially you let it go
Because you're sure you want what you want.
Slowly it begins to creep in on you though.
Then come the questions
That put you on the defensive
Until you find yourself
Convincing the whole world
About why you want what you want
Only to be told forcefully
That you can't possibly know what is right for you.
Going so far as to say
Let's assume I'm wrong
Even then, why don't I get to make a decision for my life?
When I believe body, heart, mind and soul
That it is the right thing for me to do
For myself and everyone concerned?
How did I get to where I started doubting myself?
How did I get to a place
Where I'm upset that I don't have what the world tells me to want
Even if I have everything I wanted when I started out?
Since when did other people's opinions
Become more important to me than my own?
How did I let this happen to myself?
How did I let the world convince me
That I want what they want for me?
I'm super puzzled
And as the anger at myself for letting this happen to me subsides,
I'm starting to feel amused.
I realize in my stupid feeling of superiority
I'd considered myself above all of this
Until this realization brings me to reality.
It's cool how the hard lessons you learn in life
Teach you the beautiful virtue of humility.
This in a way that no spiritual discourse in the world can do.
It's not easy for me to admit defeat.
For all my gentleness and docility
I'm very strong and brave.
It used to be impossible for me to grasp that I've failed at something.
So long as you keep trying, you haven't failed no?
Again life teaches me that it's more graceful to concede
When it's clear you've lost.
Sometimes yielding to something
Sets you free
Because you're no longer fighting a phantom
And more than that, it closes a chapter in your head
To me I find the latter is more important.
For every ending is but a new beginning
And then you can move forward with a clean slate.
Here it is, the truth in all its glorious simplicity,
Round one, I lose
Round two, we're on.
I know what I want.
I have to shut down other lesser alternatives
That keep me hanging
That do not allow me to move forward in any meaningful way.
I have to say no to two steps forward, five steps back.
I have to visualize, create and walk my own path.
Earlier I'd have said it's because I don't settle for less.
Now I regret to admit I wish I could settle for less.
I believe this is the lowest life can bring me to;
I wish and send a prayer that I don't stand corrected.
My life would be so much easier if I could just settle.
And so it would be for everyone else.
The fact stands though that settling is not an option for me.
Going through what I believe to be right is the only alternative I have.
It's an alternative I uphold not because I choose to
But because it's the only way I know to live.
Something as primal as that cannot be overridden
Not even by me.
The sooner I accept that, I get to peace that much faster.
It's the only intelligent thing to do under the circumstances.
Give it all you've got
Because I'm sure as hell not going to be caught off guard this time.
The tragedy here is
It's a defeat either way
Because I know you genuinely wish the best for me
And proving you wrong is going to hurt me more.
Again, I have to do what I have to do.
If I can do it without hurting you,
That will be my biggest victory.