Not a goodbye

I have been through times in my life

That have made me wonder

If there is such a thing as a goodbye.

Who decides when you let go?

Is it totally you, situations or something else?

How often have you had to return to

Something you had let go?

It's a humbling experience in life

To revisit places that you intended

To say goodbye to.

However, if the alternative to leave

Is worse than what you have to face to stay,

Trust me you will choose to stay.

And trust me again,

You will know how to face it.

When you know you have to deal

With something and accept it as reality,

You will find the strength in you to face it.

Either you can face it by hiding

Or face it bravely and tackle it head on.

When you choose to let go is not your choice.

But how to deal with facing reality is most certainly yours.

And I ain't cribbing!

Archie

30 March, 2010

The Invisible Thread

The thread that links,
The thread that captures and retains,
The thread that replays memories,
The thread that just won't snap
Not until you've made every effort to move on
That thread is your past.

Of course, they say life is a choice,
You always have a choice.
But if that choice is to hang in the balance
And not to move on?
What if it's to replay the sad tunes
And not the happy rhythms?
Argh, hehe why do I always have to
Get stuck in the rhetoric?
It's weird cos I hate it that
I have all the answers.
I am always caught in the realms of ironies.
I know exactly what I need to do
So I can't even feign ignorance.

Does it make it better or
Worse to know the answers?
Sometimes you can never tell.
But what is worst?
Ah, I know that for sure.
No matter how I get out
Or how much further I go away
From this predicament of not
Wanting to let go
Long after they've let go of me
I keep revisiting this space.
With a different circumstance every time
If that's a consolation.

I'd like to vacate this place of willful
Self destruction once and for all.
Because I know this experience
Saps me of my energy, skill and bravery.
It pushes me back in time
From where it is that much harder
For me to catch up from where I left off.

Maybe it's life's way of
Getting me skilled in
The art of letting go.
I must say I have a few tricks
Up my sleeve now.
I am learning
But nobody said learning'd be fun
And boy, it isn't!

I have a long way to go, yes.
I am a sensible and practical person, yes.
Too much self respect for my own good, yes.
So move on, I will.
I only hope this is the last time
Life forces me to move on.
I sincerely pray that the
Next time will be the time
I can have what I want for keeps.
I hope I never have to let go of what I love again.
hmmm, why do I have a nagging suspicion
I'm asking for too much?
Hehe, bring it on life
I will face you.

Archie
4 October, 2009

TAKING CONTROL

I want to go back to me.

I wish to be what I was once

Trusting and naive.

Seeing and believing

Without condition,

Without sarcasm and scepticism,

Without a past,

Without a memory,

I want to go back to me.

I've had enough

Of indecisive people

Who seem to be perpetually confused.

It's scary for me to see

I may be one of them.

Not deciding seems to give so much freedom.

Until I have decided

I can imagine all options

To be valid courses of action

And derive pleasure from that.

Except that's not the truth.

Peace does not stem from confusion.

It stems from clarity.

It's that clarity

That eludes me.

It's worse because I know

I'm consciously and sub-consciously

Wishing to be confused.

But now I know

I've had enough of the dilly-dallying.

I want clarity. I want peace.

I am not losing sleep over confusion.

I make my decision now.

I will only give it an hour

To sink in.

Archie

10 July, 2009

Me Liberated

I have waited for the world
To give me protection.
I have waited all my life for that one sweet word.
But now, I change my mind.
I am my own protector.
I depend on me.
Destiny never meant for anyone
To care about me
Because it knew.
It knows that I can take care of myself.
I can stand up no matter
What challenge it is that life throws at me.
But there is still this lingering suspicion
In my mind.
Am I pushing people away?
Am I scared to let people in
Because I fear another let down or betrayal?
My inner self knows
That this allegation framed against me is true.
I do not wish to deny it either.
But if you care for someone
Won't you break down the wall
That they have built around themselves?
It's a little like people come
Understand that it will be difficult to get me to believe
And leave.
What's worse? They choose another
To take my place,
Like I do not even matter.
That does not deter me.
I depend on me.
I will face the world on my own.
Thanks anyway. ;)

Archie, dated 28 November, 2008

I'M GONNA BE OK

What was I thinking,
Having blind faith in a person
Who is the biggest loser on the planet?
Makes me believe that having unconditional faith
Is a bad thing.
Why you ask?
Because there is no such thing as blind faith.
Even faith to make sense in this world
Has to be conditional.
But why do I have to learn every lesson
In my life the hard way?
By going through it myself?
Do not remind me
In my blind faith
I was blind and deaf to what the world was saying.
I have learned my lesson
Except I'm not happy about it.
But there's one thing I'm happy about,
What goes around comes around!
Watch your back I daresay! :D

Cheers,
Archie dated 3 September, 2008.

A FEW RANDOM THOUGHTS

The Journey

It is often said
The journey is more important
Than the destination.
Well, if the journey is this bad
The destination had better be good.

Dated 27 February, 2008

Why doesn't anybody understand, when I am
complaining I just wanna be listened to.
So, stop giving me solutions. You can try
 telling me how good I am instead. Trust me,
it will work much better than fault
 finding and exhortation.

Why is it so difficult to admit to
 having made a mistake?

Why do some people derive pleasure
in making life difficult for others?

Why is it that some people refuse
to see beneath the surface? The
reality stares back at them
through a veil and they refuse to
see the truth for what it is.

Why do absolute deceit and absolute
faith so often have such a thin line
between them?

Why is it so difficult for some to
offer words of comfort or empathize?
As humans aren't we well equipped for
the task? If you don't understand this,
try listening when a person is upset
 with you. Don't expect them to
say it, just observe them with compassion 
and you'll find what they want through
 the chaff. And most often,
it's not something expensive.

Tell me to do it and you will find me
 decided not to do it. Tell me not to do it,
you'll find I've done it already.

Why can't some people understand you no
matter how long they've lived with you?
They just refuse to accept you for
who you are.

DON'T TELL ME

Don't tell me
I am wrong
When I admit my mistake.
When I'm saying I won't
Repeat it, I mean it.
Don't preach!
I do not claim to know everything.
I never said I will always do what is right.
Cut me some slack.
I am just finding my way through life.
Taking it one step at a time
So I am not overwhelmed
By the sheer magnitude of what
I have to achieve.
Did I say I have to?
I meant I choose to.
Doing what I choose to do is
Taking a lot out of me.
I feel like I am losing a part
Of myself in
Trying to become what I want to be.
I don't wish to give so much.
But I guess I will have to sacrifice
If I want to get to where I want to.
Or at least people who genuinely care
About me want me to get to.

If I make mistakes on the way,
I will learn from them myself.
I am not omniscient
Neither do I want to be.
So don't tell me.
Don't preach.

Archana, 12 May, 2008