Matching Expectations

Recently I've been very frustrated.

It's really the concept of

The circle of control versus

The circle of influence.

I believed I could convert the circle of influence

Into the circle of control by just trying and working hard.

News? The circle of influence refused to budge.

I want to go into my future,

Simply because I believe my future is

Going to be better than my present

Just like my present is better than my past.

Dodgy logic I agree!

But hey I've never felt so optimistic about my future before

And optimism is a virtue endorsed by all!

So what's the catch?

I want my future now,

I can't wait and this is playing with my head.

Having walked into many brick walls

I've finally realized that

Sometimes in life you've just got to wait it out.

John Milton was right,

"They also serve who only stand and wait."

I used to be that person who'd wring her hands

When things did not go her way after she'd tried

And wait for her dreams to materialize

Knowing one day she'd have what she wants

And it'll be there for the whole world to see.

That logic worked for her fabulously

And I see the results of where that got her.

Now though I have become so action oriented

I don't want to wait.

I know it's all that I put in everyday

Of my waiting time that I am now where I wanted to be.

Going by that it is clear that

I need to put in all I can do everyday now

To get to where I want to go.

Patience is the key to unlock my future,

And patient I need to be.

Being Single

I've been single for most of my life

But I learnt to appreciate being single only recently.

The grass is always greener on the other side they say

But now I'm convinced the grass is greener on my side.

I live for myself, I do what I want.

I am happy no matter what happens

Because I take full responsibility for my life

There is no one to blame.

I feel no need to seek approval

Or validation from someone outside of me.

I don't have to seek permission

To do things that make me happy.

I feel beautiful because I'm me,

I'm not afraid to be me.

I don't have to conform to another person's standards

Nor aspire to match their expectations.

I have my goals and my dreams

And I trust myself to accomplish them.

I don't feel taken for granted,

My feelings, opinions and actions

Are not controlled by someone else.

I'm not afraid of anyone,

I do not have to worry about mind games.

My life is mine own to build or destroy

And I have chosen to create a beautiful masterpiece.

Please let me be single,

Please let me be me.

Come Find Me Please

On a park bench in Paris I sit

I can see the Eiffel Tower from here.

It's starting to get cold and

I begin to miss you.

Who are you? Where are you?

Will you be the person I want

Or the person I need?

Will you care for me or just let me be?

When I see couples go by

I wonder if you'd like to hold my hand.

Will you make me mad or calm me down?

Will I be able to count on you?

Will you protect me from the storm

Or should I weather it out on my own?

I've been alone for so long

I've begun to doubt and question

If I will ever belong to someone.

Will my wait be worth my while

Or am I just wasting my time?

As I sit on this park bench by myself

Will you come looking for me?

Come and take me home?

Archie

26 Oct, 2010

Vulnerable Strength

A chain is only but as strong

As its weakest link.

I'm breakable

Please treat me with care.

I know I appear to be strong

God knows I am.

But that does not mean

My strength needs to be tested every time?

Every time I need to delve in to find my strength

I get hurt.

And I do not wish to be hurt anymore.

Be gentle with me.

My strength is vulnerable

Please handle me with care.

Archie

25 Oct 2010

No Happy Memory

I do think of you

More often than I'd like to.

I do not miss you

Of that I am certain.

In fact, you remind of

The disaster my life would have been

If I hadn't decided to let go.

Were you kidding or were you serious?

I've no clue to that.

I'm surprised my only official relationship

Does not stir the kind of emotion

It should rightfully.

Even when I see places you've seen

And lived in the same country as you

I do not for a moment wish to go back

To change my decision.

Again, I'm surprised at my own resolution

When I have second thoughts

About every second thing.

I'm happy you are no happy memory

It's made it easy for me to move on.

Archie

26 Oct, 2010

Sadness Is Comforting Sometimes

This is a weird feeling

That has come over me.

I feel melancholic

But am comfortable with it.

I am listening to sad songs

And feel at home somehow.

My sadness is not bothering me,

In a very strange way,

It feels like home.

I know I am unwell and

That's what's probably triggering these emotions

But I don't feel the need for it to go away.

Quite paradoxically- I'm happy in my sadness.

My loneliness shelters and protects me.

Sadness is comforting sometimes,

It is comforting to me now.

Archie

I will be fine

In many ways
I have always changed
Once I find who I want to be.
It takes me forward in a way
That I don't feel the need to turn around and look.
I am surprised at how much I have changed
Within the boundaries I have set for myself.
It makes me feel proud when I
See how far I have gotten on my own.
The more I think about it,
I find that I am probably happiest on my own.
When I have just me
There is no one to let me down
No one to blame me
No one to judge
No one to dream with
To see those dreams shatter.
No false promises
No unrealistic expectations.
But I do have a little girl inside of me
Who'd love to be protected and loved.
That little girl is going away from me
More and more every time I am let down.
Is this what is growing up?
Giving up on a fairy tale
To face reality?
I accept this phase of my life too
As I change once more
To be who I need to be.
I hope someone finds me
Before the little girl goes away forever.
I know I am going to make a wonderful woman
Or hang on, have I already become one?

Archie
12 Oct, 2010