Vulnerable Strength

A chain is only but as strong

As its weakest link.

I'm breakable

Please treat me with care.

I know I appear to be strong

God knows I am.

But that does not mean

My strength needs to be tested every time?

Every time I need to delve in to find my strength

I get hurt.

And I do not wish to be hurt anymore.

Be gentle with me.

My strength is vulnerable

Please handle me with care.

Archie

25 Oct 2010

No Happy Memory

I do think of you

More often than I'd like to.

I do not miss you

Of that I am certain.

In fact, you remind of

The disaster my life would have been

If I hadn't decided to let go.

Were you kidding or were you serious?

I've no clue to that.

I'm surprised my only official relationship

Does not stir the kind of emotion

It should rightfully.

Even when I see places you've seen

And lived in the same country as you

I do not for a moment wish to go back

To change my decision.

Again, I'm surprised at my own resolution

When I have second thoughts

About every second thing.

I'm happy you are no happy memory

It's made it easy for me to move on.

Archie

26 Oct, 2010

Sadness Is Comforting Sometimes

This is a weird feeling

That has come over me.

I feel melancholic

But am comfortable with it.

I am listening to sad songs

And feel at home somehow.

My sadness is not bothering me,

In a very strange way,

It feels like home.

I know I am unwell and

That's what's probably triggering these emotions

But I don't feel the need for it to go away.

Quite paradoxically- I'm happy in my sadness.

My loneliness shelters and protects me.

Sadness is comforting sometimes,

It is comforting to me now.

Archie

I will be fine

In many ways
I have always changed
Once I find who I want to be.
It takes me forward in a way
That I don't feel the need to turn around and look.
I am surprised at how much I have changed
Within the boundaries I have set for myself.
It makes me feel proud when I
See how far I have gotten on my own.
The more I think about it,
I find that I am probably happiest on my own.
When I have just me
There is no one to let me down
No one to blame me
No one to judge
No one to dream with
To see those dreams shatter.
No false promises
No unrealistic expectations.
But I do have a little girl inside of me
Who'd love to be protected and loved.
That little girl is going away from me
More and more every time I am let down.
Is this what is growing up?
Giving up on a fairy tale
To face reality?
I accept this phase of my life too
As I change once more
To be who I need to be.
I hope someone finds me
Before the little girl goes away forever.
I know I am going to make a wonderful woman
Or hang on, have I already become one?

Archie
12 Oct, 2010

I FEEL BEAUTIFUL

For the first time in my life

I feel really beautiful.

It's not that everything in my life is sorted.

Honestly, nor do I want it to be.

If I could plan in advance

What my life was meant to be

And it worked according to that plan

I'd be limiting my life to how much I can plan.

I want to be able to

Watch with wonder as life unfolds before me.

I want to experience the possibilities

That I did not think could happen.

I am surprised at what the universe

Manifests for me when I have done my best.

It's not exactly what I wanted

Or what I was hoping for

But somehow I know it's for my benefit.

When I will look back at current events

In my future

I'm sure I will know it all worked out for the best.

I feel beautiful

I feel beautiful inside.

Archie

11 August 2010

Want To Make a Mistake

This one time

I just wanna let go.

This one time

I want to do what my heart wants me to do.

Being away from home

In a foreign country

Lets me explore a new identity.

Do I want to change?

Must I be one of them to be with them?

Can I do what I want to now

And let go?

What about the repercussions for others?

Does that mean I will be playing with them?

This one time

I just wanna let go.

This one time

I just wanna have some fun.

This one time

I do not want to stop myself

By logically thinking through

The repercussions of my actions.

This one time

Just let me go.

Whatever Happened?

In the world that we live in today

I honestly wish that bravery were not an old fashioned word.

I seek hopefully every time to

Only be disappointed

When another person I trusted

Runs away from facing the reality.

When things get really bad,

I find myself to be one of very few still standing.

It's now happened so often

That I have begun to question

If there is such a thing as integrity in the world.

Whatever happened to standing up for what is right

No matter what the consequence?

Whatever happened to speaking the truth

When you know it is going to get you into trouble?

Whatever happened to taking on people your own size?

Whatever happened to taking a stand

To protect the victim against the bully?

Whatever happened to the concept of a fair fight?

Whatever happened to looking at the larger good?

Whatever happened to being responsible for your words or actions?

Whatever happened to being nice at least to nice people?

I am made to feel like a fool sometimes

When I display any of the above characteristics.

But I am not going to let that make me cynical.

I know I am right and

I know this is the only way I know to live.

I know there are others out there

Who still believe in doing what is right

Over winning a battle that they have already lost

In the process of winning it.

I know I am appreciated for who I am.

But more than that

I know I need to sleep at night

And having a clear conscience

Gets me closer to that goal.

This is who I am.

But more importantly

This is who I choose to be.

Archie