Ghost Busting

Being ghosted by someone 

Who I thought I was going to marry

Has turned out to be the biggest blessing.

It put me in a state of inner turmoil for years

And significant cognitive dissonance might I add.

They were consistent for three months

Even if we only connected online.

They told me they wanted to marry me

And then bailed. Just like that.

To add insult to injury

They told me we could be friends

If I was at all interested on that level

Though they weren't sure if it would work

And anyway they were certain they were going to 

Find someone better than me.

Looking back it was such a stroke of genius

To blame someone else for their own lack of chivalry

To do the right thing.

To tell someone you weren't going to be able

To keep the promises you made

And that you were truly sorry.

Simple, straightforward and effective.

I'd respect this man 

Even if we didn't end up together.

In retrospect I love the beauty that is ghosting
For when the other person disappears
You're forced to do the most difficult thing in the world
To go inwards.
When the pain becomes unbearable
And the same lessons keep repeating
You break. Then you decide to choose different.
When I couldn't find justice through him
And din't know how to heal
I went inwards.

This brought out all the deeply hidden

Abandonment and self-worth issues to be healed.

They'd told me I wasn't good enough for them.

I'd have taken a bullet for this person at the time.

I'd told myself they'll realize my worth 

And come back one day

Like in the movies, books, poems and music.

They'll realize I was the one.

Now that I've had time to heal

I ask myself why would I want

To marry someone like this?

Flaky and sneaky at best.

Probably had someone else lined up

Even before they broke up with me.

Is this the kind of life partner I was seeking?

Why had I allowed them to set my worth?

When I started busting these ghosts

The ghoster had left behind

I started healing.

Discovered that closure from such a person

Meant nothing. 

They'd just lie some more. And backtrack.

And play again. Rinse. Repeat. Recycle.

I had nothing to prove to them or anyone else.

Oh and for the loving and loyal person that I am

If karma were to defend itself,

I certainly deserve better than them.

And as I understand self-love and self-worth

I'm realizing even if I don't find someone 

Worthy of my love and loyalty in this lifetime

I'm so much better off living out

The rest of my life on my own

Than with someone like them.

This toxicity I can do without.

So glad I had the guts to walk away

I was hurting. I was confused.

But I walked away. 

And stayed away.

And eventually found the courage within me

To learn the lessons life intended for me to learn 

From this ghoster custom-made for me

To teach me exactly what I needed to learn.

- a*k²