Sunday, April 6, 2014

I Want Out

It's interesting how the prison you create for yourself
Can make freedom seem like a joke.
What I don't understand is
How can I not know when I'm in the prison
That I am in one?
Why is it that I need an aha! moment to realize
I've been in prison?
All I need to do is break down the imaginary walls.
Not such a big deal.
I'm sick and tired of living life by the carrot and stick analogy.
I do not want the carrot anymore.
Wanting something is after all the root cause for all misery.
And I refuse to let the stick inflict pain on me. Period.

But I still need the time somehow to wallow in self pity for a bit
To replay the exploitation I was subjected to
Because I allowed it.
And because I allowed it I'm responsible.

It's interesting how you tell yourself
That you won't let something happen to you
Because you learnt a lesson the hard way the first time.
You think and put every ounce of your energy
In preventing that thing from happening again
Only to understand that something else has happened
In the meantime and you could not prevent it.
Now you have another lesson learnt
And all of the tribulations to put behind you.
And start life all over again.
What's the point of this really?

I guess one thing that I understand
Is that I cannot prevent some things from happening.
They will happen no matter how hard I try to prevent them.
It's Karma that I have to pay off before I go
Oh and when it comes to Karma there are no shortcuts.
The only thing I can do to defeat Karma
Is to reduce the impact that it brings on my life.
To cut my losses from any situation
That I've been subjected to
As soon as possible and move on.
I want out and I'm out now.

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