Saturday, July 28, 2012

The Same Mistake

Have you had a situation in life
Where you made the same mistake many times
Never learning from it
Because it promised you a future
A future you built in your head?
A future very dear to you
And by that very definition very close to your heart?
Lured by that bait, you allowed yourself
To be fooled over and over again?
How many more times should you repeat it
Before it finally dawns on you
That it's a pipe dream?
Or is it just that one more chance?
One more try for it to work?
Or is it never going to work?
To be honest, can you make it work by trying?
Shouldn't that be natural? Then why should you make it work?
If it is, it is. If it isn't, it isn't?
How can you be sure of either?
Or if you're not sure, then it isn't?
Do you trust the same person twice?
If they were able to break you once
Why won't they do it again?
What's the guarantee?
Is it better then to give a fresh chance to another stranger?
How do you explain to yourself
The compulsive need to be confused
Because confusion still gives you hope?
So you don't cut the cord and string along with hope.
Is hope a good thing then in this context
Or is it the straight route to disillusionment?
But then if you really want something you don't have
Surely you have the right to hope or wish for it?
What are the odds I'll find the one?
I am now willing to bet that the odds of the one finding me are better.
I have to stop looking
I have to stop hoping
I have to have faith
Unconditional faith in the unknown
To deliver when the time is right.
Because I have to believe that it's true
And belief and doubt don't co-exist.
Because what's mine is mine and what isn't mine is never going to become mine?
But then what is mine really?
What did I bring into the world for me to claim as mine?
More importantly what is it that I'm going to take away?
Then the whole concept of belonging to someone is a sham?

As always I turn to spirituality
To answer the questions science can't explain.
I believe the purpose of my life is to flow
Flow unhindered
Flow without fear
Flow without holding on to people or things
Flow without stagnation
Accepting everything that comes my way
Float with joy
Knowing that eventually
I'll find my way home.
True to my nature
I prepare for the other possibility too.
Even if I don't reach my destination
Maybe my hope will be enough to get me through the journey.
Maybe when I do reach the end of the journey
I will find that the journey was destination enough.

29 July, 2012