Thursday, April 5, 2012

I Know Why

I was demanding something out of life.
Something that I thought was mine to ask.
Something that I thought I was ready for.
Now I know I was not.
Now I know I am still not
Because I haven't yet found what I was looking for.
Now I know it's a good thing I did not get what I wanted.
I'd have messed up what I had
Had I gotten what I was looking for when I was looking for it.

For once in my life,
I appreciate that life's timing is not my timing.
There will be a time lag between
When I ask for something out of life
And when life decides to bestow what I want on me.
And that's a good thing
Because there are things running in the background
That I need to understand
Things not necessarily immediately apparent
To the eye of reasoning.

I trust life's timing
I know now it's better than my understanding
Of my own needs and desires at any point in time.
I'm willing to wait for what I want
For as long as is necessary
Simply because I know now
That I need to learn what I need to learn
While I wait for what I want.

I will ask for what I want from you life
I know I will update what I want too
Based on my experience of what
You are teaching me.
My priorities will change.
My needs will change.

All I know is I will celebrate
Whatever it is that you give me
When you choose to give me
Because that may not be what I asked for
But certainly that's what's best for me in the bigger scheme of things.

I thank you life
For the time lag
I thank you for looking out for me
I thank you for having my back.
I honor your will
And I rejoice in your judgment.