I'd trade everything in my life
For just one thing
And that one thing is the freedom to be me.
I let go of me to see
If I can do things that allow me to fit in
To get what I want.
But there's only so much time I can play that role.
Before long, I come back to who I need to be to survive
And I am one complicated person
Oh boy I love me!
To be honest, I would not have me any other way.
I've become the redoubtable pragmatist
I wanted to be sometime ago.
I've learnt to walk away
To give in, to learn, to study,
To rationalize, to understand,
To let go, to come back, to find the middle ground,
To laugh, to go the depths of misery, enjoy it,
Come back out,
While keeping my normal life going.
To work through confused emotions,
To find a way with confused people,
To put myself on the line,
To protect myself,
To change me, yet not change me,
To lose me, to find me again.
I've not become anything great to celebrate
But I've never been more proud
Of the person I have become.
Monday, October 10, 2011
The world the way I see it
Can use a little more love.
I wish people could focus on the long term
And understand that human relationships matter.
The world can use more people
Who can be happy with another person's happiness
Even if it could mean a loss to them.
Who can find success in another person's success.
That there could be some way for people
To just for once empathize.
To just for once put another person's needs before their own,
Because that person is important.
I wish for people to treat other people as people
Not as assets or a means to close a transaction.
I wish for people to not control another
But to care and nurture.
It's becoming a lonely world
With all relationships bordering on the mutual exchange of benefits.
So long as you do what the other expects of you,
You are great!
The moment you have a mind of your own,
You are on your own.
There is not such a thing as unconditional love or acceptance.
It's about using another to get to their end
And then just discarding them until you need them again.
I ask the world for a little more love,
A little more love to make my day.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
When I read for the first time
That there can more than one soulmate for a person,
I was scandalized! It was too much for my romantic sensibilities to handle.
I believed in the perfect fairytale.
You meet your soulmate
You marry them and live happily ever after!
I've met a few of my soulmates in my life.
Yes that's a plural meaning there can be more than one.
Meeting a soulmate is a beautiful experience.
You sort of just connect without introduction
You don't need words to communicate.
You tell each other things that your best friends don't know about
Not because you want to
But because you can't help but tell them.
It's almost a compulsion.
How do you know when you meet a soulmate?
Well, it's cliched but you just know!
Do all soulmate relationships end happily?
No. Sometimes the soulmate comes along
To help you discover a part of you
You did not even know existed.
They make you feel alive
They amplify all your emotions
And make you vulnerable.
And then it's possible that
Destiny never meant for you to be together
And you go your separate ways.
You were just meant to meet each other
At that point in life when you needed to teach each other something.
Once the lesson is learnt, you come out of it
Knowing more about yourself.
Is it easy to let go of a soulmate connection?
No. I don't think you can ever let go of it completely.
When you meet again, it'll be like time stands still
And you don't remember the hurts inflicted on you
By that person
Even if you'd sworn revenge at the time they broke you.
You'll never be able to understand it,
Explain or rationalize it to yourself.
They make complete fools of you and
Yet you find yourself making excuses for them.
The experiences in my life
Have taught me
That the soulmate connection does not matter
As much as someone who can stick it out with me,
Through sickness and health, through wealth and poverty,
Through life and death.
I don't need a soulmate to hurt me
Or make life difficult for me
I do that very well for myself thanks!
I need someone who I can count on
Who I trust with my life.
I'd trade an earthy but strong and stable connection
Over a fantastic but hurtful soulmate connection anyday.
12 Aug, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
I refuse to give up on me
For anyone or anything.
Yes, I'm complicated
I never said it'd be easy.
When you come to me
When you leave
I want nothing more than to follow you.
I just need to know no matter what I do to you
You will stay with me.
That's the only kind of relationship that matters to me
The only one I'd fight the world to keep.
Is it too much to expect that kind of devotion
Before I show you who I am?
What do I do? I've been through so many times
Of feeling abandoned-I'm afraid another time will break me.
I know I want to lower my defenses
I want to let you in.
You let someone in, you get hurt.
But if you don't let anyone in,
You'll never know what it is to be loved.
To be so vulnerable to rejection is scary.
I like to operate from a place of strength
But sometimes it's vulnerability that is strength
And finding that kind of vulnerable strength takes
A lot of courage.
I doubt if I can muster it when you need me to.
I'm sorry if I'm letting you down.
I'm sorry if I'm letting go of something that could have been beautiful.
I'm sorry for giving up before I gave it my best shot.
I'm doing it in the strong belief
That if you're the one for me
You won't be able to let go of me.
If you're not the one for me
Nothing I do can get you to stay either.
I've been down that road before
It will hurt when you leave
It always does.
But I'm looking for the real thing.
And I ain't settling for less just yet.
19 July 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
What's the line that separates
Dreams from reality?
What's the line that does not give you what you want
When you want it?
What's the line that sometimes gives you
More than your due
And yet at others takes away what you most need?
Who keeps this balance?
When should I persevere or more importantly
When should I give up?
Where's the point where I should just
Cut my losses and move on?
I've come to realize that life is one long continuous journey.
I cannot identify independent points in it
And make demands of it at those points.
Who comes into my life and when they leave
Are not things in my complete control.
A few were only meant to be temporary
To stay to teach me something before we moved on.
Just because I want something I'm not going to get it right away.
The alternative corollary is true too.
Just because I don't want something
It's not going to go away.
I'm tired of the fighting
The struggle is getting to me.
I give up and let go
To go with the flow.
Destiny take me I trust you.
I trust you to take me home.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Recently I've been very frustrated.
It's really the concept of
The circle of control versus
The circle of influence.
I believed I could convert the circle of influence
Into the circle of control by just trying and working hard.
News? The circle of influence refused to budge.
I want to go into my future,
Simply because I believe my future is
Going to be better than my present
Just like my present is better than my past.
Dodgy logic I agree!
But hey I've never felt so optimistic about my future before
And optimism is a virtue endorsed by all!
So what's the catch?
I want my future now,
I can't wait and this is playing with my head.
Having walked into many brick walls
I've finally realized that
Sometimes in life you've just got to wait it out.
John Milton was right,
"They also serve who only stand and wait."
I used to be that person who'd wring her hands
When things did not go her way after she'd tried
And wait for her dreams to materialize
Knowing one day she'd have what she wants
And it'll be there for the whole world to see.
That logic worked for her fabulously
And I see the results of where that got her.
Now though I have become so action oriented
I don't want to wait.
I know it's all that I put in everyday
Of my waiting time that I am now where I wanted to be.
Going by that it is clear that
I need to put in all I can do everyday now
To get to where I want to go.
Patience is the key to unlock my future,
And patient I need to be.
Friday, January 28, 2011
I've been single for most of my life
But I learnt to appreciate being single only recently.
The grass is always greener on the other side they say
But now I'm convinced the grass is greener on my side.
I live for myself, I do what I want.
I am happy no matter what happens
Because I take full responsibility for my life
There is no one to blame.
I feel no need to seek approval
Or validation from someone outside of me.
I don't have to seek permission
To do things that make me happy.
I feel beautiful because I'm me,
I'm not afraid to be me.
I don't have to conform to another person's standards
Nor aspire to match their expectations.
I have my goals and my dreams
And I trust myself to accomplish them.
I don't feel taken for granted,
My feelings, opinions and actions
Are not controlled by someone else.
I'm not afraid of anyone,
I do not have to worry about mind games.
My life is mine own to build or destroy
And I have chosen to create a beautiful masterpiece.
Please let me be single,
Please let me be me.