i am me

Believer

2012-01-15T09:47:00.000-08:00

I want to be a believer

I want to believe that good things can and will happen to me.

And just because they happened, they are not going to go away.

I want to believe that my present and future are not dictated by my past.

I do not want to punish someone for someone else's mistakes

Or for the lessons life determined I should learn.

I wish to be naive, I want to believe once more.

How do I let go of fear?

How do I learn to trust once again?

To have faith when an aspect of my life

Has always broken me without fail?

What is going to make this time different?

I feel like I am going to fall

From a greater height this time

I do fear I won't survive

But I know I will.

I wish this is the last time I have to trust and not see it break

And pray what's in my life is here to stay.

Archie

Everything to be me

2011-12-25T23:51:00.000-08:00

I'd trade everything in my life
For just one thing
And that one thing is the freedom to be me.
I let go of me to see
If I can do things that allow me to fit in
To get what I want.
But there's only so much time I can play that role.
Before long, I come back to who I need to be to survive
And I am one complicated person
Oh boy I love me!
To be honest, I would not have me any other way.
I've become the redoubtable pragmatist
I wanted to be sometime ago.
I've learnt to walk away
To give in, to learn, to study,
To rationalize, to understand,
To let go, to come back, to find the middle ground,
To laugh, to go the depths of misery, enjoy it,
Come back out,
While keeping my normal life going.
To work through confused emotions,
To find a way with confused people,
To put myself on the line,
To protect myself,
To change me, yet not change me,
To lose me, to find me again.
I've not become anything great to celebrate
But I've never been more proud
Of the person I have become.

A Little More Love

2011-10-10T04:12:00.000-07:00

The world the way I see it

Can use a little more love.

I wish people could focus on the long term

And understand that human relationships matter.

The world can use more people

Who can be happy with another person's happiness

Even if it could mean a loss to them.

Who can find success in another person's success.

That there could be some way for people

To just for once empathize.

To just for once put another person's needs before their own,

Because that person is important.

I wish for people to treat other people as people

Not as assets or a means to close a transaction.

I wish for people to not control another

But to care and nurture.

It's becoming a lonely world

With all relationships bordering on the mutual exchange of benefits.

So long as you do what the other expects of you,

You are great!

The moment you have a mind of your own,

You are on your own.

There is not such a thing as unconditional love or acceptance.

It's about using another to get to their end

And then just discarding them until you need them again.

I ask the world for a little more love,

A little more love to make my day.

Cheers!

Archie

Soulmates

2011-08-11T23:20:00.001-07:00

When I read for the first time

That there can more than one soulmate for a person,

I was scandalized! It was too much for my romantic sensibilities to handle.

I believed in the perfect fairytale.

You meet your soulmate

You marry them and live happily ever after!

I've met a few of my soulmates in my life.

Yes that's a plural meaning there can be more than one.

Meeting a soulmate is a beautiful experience.

You sort of just connect without introduction

You don't need words to communicate.

You tell each other things that your best friends don't know about

Not because you want to

But because you can't help but tell them.

It's almost a compulsion.

How do you know when you meet a soulmate?

Well, it's cliched but you just know!

Do all soulmate relationships end happily?

No. Sometimes the soulmate comes along

To help you discover a part of you

You did not even know existed.

They make you feel alive

They amplify all your emotions

And make you vulnerable.

And then it's possible that

Destiny never meant for you to be together

And you go your separate ways.

You were just meant to meet each other

At that point in life when you needed to teach each other something.

Once the lesson is learnt, you come out of it

Knowing more about yourself.

Is it easy to let go of a soulmate connection?

No. I don't think you can ever let go of it completely.

When you meet again, it'll be like time stands still

And you don't remember the hurts inflicted on you

By that person

Even if you'd sworn revenge at the time they broke you.

You'll never be able to understand it,

Explain or rationalize it to yourself.

They make complete fools of you and

Yet you find yourself making excuses for them.

The experiences in my life

Have taught me

That the soulmate connection does not matter

As much as someone who can stick it out with me,

Through sickness and health, through wealth and poverty,

Through life and death.

I don't need a soulmate to hurt me

Or make life difficult for me

I do that very well for myself thanks!

I need someone who I can count on

Who I trust with my life.

I'd trade an earthy but strong and stable connection

Over a fantastic but hurtful soulmate connection anyday.

Archie

12 Aug, 2011

This is Me

2011-07-19T05:35:00.001-07:00

I refuse to give up on me

For anyone or anything.

Yes, I'm complicated

I never said it'd be easy.

When you come to me

I run.

When you leave

I want nothing more than to follow you.

I just need to know no matter what I do to you

You will stay with me.

That's the only kind of relationship that matters to me

The only one I'd fight the world to keep.

Is it too much to expect that kind of devotion

Before I show you who I am?

What do I do? I've been through so many times

Of feeling abandoned-I'm afraid another time will break me.

I know I want to lower my defenses

I want to let you in.

You let someone in, you get hurt.

But if you don't let anyone in,

You'll never know what it is to be loved.

To be so vulnerable to rejection is scary.

I like to operate from a place of strength

But sometimes it's vulnerability that is strength

And finding that kind of vulnerable strength takes

A lot of courage.

I doubt if I can muster it when you need me to.

I'm sorry if I'm letting you down.

I'm sorry if I'm letting go of something that could have been beautiful.

I'm sorry for giving up before I gave it my best shot.

I'm doing it in the strong belief

That if you're the one for me

You won't be able to let go of me.

If you're not the one for me

Nothing I do can get you to stay either.

I've been down that road before

It will hurt when you leave

It always does.

But I'm looking for the real thing.

And I ain't settling for less just yet.

Archie

19 July 2011

What's the line?

2011-04-09T08:27:00.000-07:00

What's the line that separates

Dreams from reality?

What's the line that does not give you what you want

When you want it?

What's the line that sometimes gives you

More than your due

And yet at others takes away what you most need?

Who keeps this balance?

When should I persevere or more importantly

When should I give up?

Where's the point where I should just

Cut my losses and move on?

I've come to realize that life is one long continuous journey.

I cannot identify independent points in it

And make demands of it at those points.

Who comes into my life and when they leave

Are not things in my complete control.

A few were only meant to be temporary

To stay to teach me something before we moved on.

Just because I want something I'm not going to get it right away.

The alternative corollary is true too.

Just because I don't want something

It's not going to go away.

I'm tired of the fighting

The struggle is getting to me.

I give up and let go

To go with the flow.

Destiny take me I trust you.

I trust you to take me home.

Archie

Matching Expectations

2011-03-04T10:54:00.000-08:00

Recently I've been very frustrated.

It's really the concept of

The circle of control versus

The circle of influence.

I believed I could convert the circle of influence

Into the circle of control by just trying and working hard.

News? The circle of influence refused to budge.

I want to go into my future,

Simply because I believe my future is

Going to be better than my present

Just like my present is better than my past.

Dodgy logic I agree!

But hey I've never felt so optimistic about my future before

And optimism is a virtue endorsed by all!

So what's the catch?

I want my future now,

I can't wait and this is playing with my head.

Having walked into many brick walls

I've finally realized that

Sometimes in life you've just got to wait it out.

John Milton was right,

"They also serve who only stand and wait."

I used to be that person who'd wring her hands

When things did not go her way after she'd tried

And wait for her dreams to materialize

Knowing one day she'd have what she wants

And it'll be there for the whole world to see.

That logic worked for her fabulously

And I see the results of where that got her.

Now though I have become so action oriented

I don't want to wait.

I know it's all that I put in everyday

Of my waiting time that I am now where I wanted to be.

Going by that it is clear that

I need to put in all I can do everyday now

To get to where I want to go.

Patience is the key to unlock my future,

And patient I need to be.

Being Single

2011-01-28T09:05:00.000-08:00

I've been single for most of my life

But I learnt to appreciate being single only recently.

The grass is always greener on the other side they say

But now I'm convinced the grass is greener on my side.

I live for myself, I do what I want.

I am happy no matter what happens

Because I take full responsibility for my life

There is no one to blame.

I feel no need to seek approval

Or validation from someone outside of me.

I don't have to seek permission

To do things that make me happy.

I feel beautiful because I'm me,

I'm not afraid to be me.

I don't have to conform to another person's standards

Nor aspire to match their expectations.

I have my goals and my dreams

And I trust myself to accomplish them.

I don't feel taken for granted,

My feelings, opinions and actions

Are not controlled by someone else.

I'm not afraid of anyone,

I do not have to worry about mind games.

My life is mine own to build or destroy

And I have chosen to create a beautiful masterpiece.

Please let me be single,

Please let me be me.

Come Find Me Please

2010-11-19T22:26:00.000-08:00

On a park bench in Paris I sit

I can see the Eiffel Tower from here.

It's starting to get cold and

I begin to miss you.

Who are you? Where are you?

Will you be the person I want

Or the person I need?

Will you care for me or just let me be?

When I see couples go by

I wonder if you'd like to hold my hand.

Will you make me mad or calm me down?

Will I be able to count on you?

Will you protect me from the storm

Or should I weather it out on my own?

I've been alone for so long

I've begun to doubt and question

If I will ever belong to someone.

Will my wait be worth my while

Or am I just wasting my time?

As I sit on this park bench by myself

Will you come looking for me?

Come and take me home?

Archie

26 Oct, 2010

Vulnerable Strength

2010-11-19T21:56:00.000-08:00

A chain is only but as strong

As its weakest link.

I'm breakable

Please treat me with care.

I know I appear to be strong

God knows I am.

But that does not mean

My strength needs to be tested every time?

Every time I need to delve in to find my strength

I get hurt.

And I do not wish to be hurt anymore.

Be gentle with me.

My strength is vulnerable

Please handle me with care.

Archie

25 Oct 2010

No Happy Memory

2010-11-19T21:46:00.001-08:00

I do think of you

More often than I'd like to.

I do not miss you

Of that I am certain.

In fact, you remind of

The disaster my life would have been

If I hadn't decided to let go.

Were you kidding or were you serious?

I've no clue to that.

I'm surprised my only official relationship

Does not stir the kind of emotion

It should rightfully.

Even when I see places you've seen

And lived in the same country as you

I do not for a moment wish to go back

To change my decision.

Again, I'm surprised at my own resolution

When I have second thoughts

About every second thing.

I'm happy you are no happy memory

It's made it easy for me to move on.

Archie

26 Oct, 2010

Sadness Is Comforting Sometimes

2010-11-02T04:10:00.000-07:00

This is a weird feeling

That has come over me.

I feel melancholic

But am comfortable with it.

I am listening to sad songs

And feel at home somehow.

My sadness is not bothering me,

In a very strange way,

It feels like home.

I know I am unwell and

That's what's probably triggering these emotions

But I don't feel the need for it to go away.

Quite paradoxically- I'm happy in my sadness.

My loneliness shelters and protects me.

Sadness is comforting sometimes,

It is comforting to me now.

Archie

I will be fine

2010-10-12T03:39:00.000-07:00

In many ways
I have always changed
Once I find who I want to be.
It takes me forward in a way
That I don't feel the need to turn around and look.
I am surprised at how much I have changed
Within the boundaries I have set for myself.
It makes me feel proud when I
See how far I have gotten on my own.
The more I think about it,
I find that I am probably happiest on my own.
When I have just me
There is no one to let me down
No one to blame me
No one to judge
No one to dream with
To see those dreams shatter.
No false promises
No unrealistic expectations.
But I do have a little girl inside of me
Who'd love to be protected and loved.
That little girl is going away from me
More and more every time I am let down.
Is this what is growing up?
Giving up on a fairy tale
To face reality?
I accept this phase of my life too
As I change once more
To be who I need to be.
I hope someone finds me
Before the little girl goes away forever.
I know I am going to make a wonderful woman
Or hang on, have I already become one?

Archie
12 Oct, 2010

I FEEL BEAUTIFUL

2010-08-10T22:50:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my life

I feel really beautiful.

It's not that everything in my life is sorted.

Honestly, nor do I want it to be.

If I could plan in advance

What my life was meant to be

And it worked according to that plan

I'd be limiting my life to how much I can plan.

I want to be able to

Watch with wonder as life unfolds before me.

I want to experience the possibilities

That I did not think could happen.

I am surprised at what the universe

Manifests for me when I have done my best.

It's not exactly what I wanted

Or what I was hoping for

But somehow I know it's for my benefit.

When I will look back at current events

In my future

I'm sure I will know it all worked out for the best.

I feel beautiful

I feel beautiful inside.

Archie

11 August 2010

Want To Make a Mistake

2010-06-09T02:18:00.000-07:00

This one time

I just wanna let go.

This one time

I want to do what my heart wants me to do.

Being away from home

In a foreign country

Lets me explore a new identity.

Do I want to change?

Must I be one of them to be with them?

Can I do what I want to now

And let go?

What about the repercussions for others?

Does that mean I will be playing with them?

This one time

I just wanna let go.

This one time

I just wanna have some fun.

This one time

I do not want to stop myself

By logically thinking through

The repercussions of my actions.

This one time

Just let me go.

Whatever Happened?

2010-04-24T12:55:00.000-07:00

In the world that we live in today

I honestly wish that bravery were not an old fashioned word.

I seek hopefully every time to

Only be disappointed

When another person I trusted

Runs away from facing the reality.

When things get really bad,

I find myself to be one of very few still standing.

It's now happened so often

That I have begun to question

If there is such a thing as integrity in the world.

Whatever happened to standing up for what is right

No matter what the consequence?

Whatever happened to speaking the truth

When you know it is going to get you into trouble?

Whatever happened to taking on people your own size?

Whatever happened to taking a stand

To protect the victim against the bully?

Whatever happened to the concept of a fair fight?

Whatever happened to looking at the larger good?

Whatever happened to being responsible for your words or actions?

Whatever happened to being nice at least to nice people?

I am made to feel like a fool sometimes

When I display any of the above characteristics.

But I am not going to let that make me cynical.

I know I am right and

I know this is the only way I know to live.

I know there are others out there

Who still believe in doing what is right

Over winning a battle that they have already lost

In the process of winning it.

I know I am appreciated for who I am.

But more than that

I know I need to sleep at night

And having a clear conscience

Gets me closer to that goal.

This is who I am.

But more importantly

This is who I choose to be.

Archie

Not a goodbye

2010-03-30T10:19:00.000-07:00

I have been through times in my life

That have made me wonder

If there is such a thing as a goodbye.

Who decides when you let go?

Is it totally you, situations or something else?

How often have you had to return to

Something you had let go?

It's a humbling experience in life

To revisit places that you intended

To say goodbye to.

However, if the alternative to leave

Is worse than what you have to face to stay,

Trust me you will choose to stay.

And trust me again,

You will know how to face it.

When you know you have to deal

With something and accept it as reality,

You will find the strength in you to face it.

Either you can face it by hiding

Or face it bravely and tackle it head on.

When you choose to let go is not your choice.

But how to deal with facing reality is most certainly yours.

And I ain't cribbing!

Archie

30 March, 2010

The Invisible Thread

2009-10-04T00:45:00.000-07:00

The thread that links,
The thread that captures and retains,
The thread that replays memories,
The thread that just won't snap
Not until you've made every effort to move on
That thread is your past.

Of course, they say life is a choice,
You always have a choice.
But if that choice is to hang in the balance
And not to move on?
What if it's to replay the sad tunes
And not the happy rhythms?
Argh, hehe why do I always have to
Get stuck in the rhetoric?
It's weird cos I hate it that
I have all the answers.
I am always caught in the realms of ironies.
I know exactly what I need to do
So I can't even feign ignorance.

Does it make it better or
Worse to know the answers?
Sometimes you can never tell.
But what is worst?
Ah, I know that for sure.
No matter how I get out
Or how much further I go away
From this predicament of not
Wanting to let go
Long after they've let go of me
I keep revisiting this space.
With a different circumstance every time
If that's a consolation.

I'd like to vacate this place of willful
Self destruction once and for all.
Because I know this experience
Saps me of my energy, skill and bravery.
It pushes me back in time
From where it is that much harder
For me to catch up from where I left off.

Maybe it's life's way of
Getting me skilled in
The art of letting go.
I must say I have a few tricks
Up my sleeve now.
I am learning
But nobody said learning'd be fun
And boy, it isn't!

I have a long way to go, yes.
I am a sensible and practical person, yes.
Too much self respect for my own good, yes.
So move on, I will.
I only hope this is the last time
Life forces me to move on.
I sincerely pray that the
Next time will be the time
I can have what I want for keeps.
I hope I never have to let go of what I love again.
hmmm, why do I have a nagging suspicion
I'm asking for too much?
Hehe, bring it on life
I will face you.

Archie
4 October, 2009

TAKING CONTROL

2009-07-10T04:31:00.001-07:00

I want to go back to me.

I wish to be what I was once

Trusting and naive.

Seeing and believing

Without condition,

Without sarcasm and scepticism,

Without a past,

Without a memory,

I want to go back to me.

I've had enough

Of indecisive people

Who seem to be perpetually confused.

It's scary for me to see

I may be one of them.

Not deciding seems to give so much freedom.

Until I have decided

I can imagine all options

To be valid courses of action

And derive pleasure from that.

Except that's not the truth.

Peace does not stem from confusion.

It stems from clarity.

It's that clarity

That eludes me.

It's worse because I know

I'm consciously and sub-consciously

Wishing to be confused.

But now I know

I've had enough of the dilly-dallying.

I want clarity. I want peace.

I am not losing sleep over confusion.

I make my decision now.

I will only give it an hour

To sink in.

Archie

10 July, 2009

Me Liberated

2008-11-28T04:47:00.000-08:00

I have waited for the world
To give me protection.
I have waited all my life for that one sweet word.
But now, I change my mind.
I am my own protector.
I depend on me.
Destiny never meant for anyone
To care about me
Because it knew.
It knows that I can take care of myself.
I can stand up no matter
What challenge it is that life throws at me.
But there is still this lingering suspicion
In my mind.
Am I pushing people away?
Am I scared to let people in
Because I fear another let down or betrayal?
My inner self knows
That this allegation framed against me is true.
I do not wish to deny it either.
But if you care for someone
Won't you break down the wall
That they have built around themselves?
It's a little like people come
Understand that it will be difficult to get me to believe
And leave.
What's worse? They choose another
To take my place,
Like I do not even matter.
That does not deter me.
I depend on me.
I will face the world on my own.
Thanks anyway. ;)

Archie, dated 28 November, 2008

I'M GONNA BE OK

2008-09-02T22:29:00.000-07:00

What was I thinking,
Having blind faith in a person
Who is the biggest loser on the planet?
Makes me believe that having unconditional faith
Is a bad thing.
Why you ask?
Because there is no such thing as blind faith.
Even faith to make sense in this world
Has to be conditional.
But why do I have to learn every lesson
In my life the hard way?
By going through it myself?
Do not remind me
In my blind faith
I was blind and deaf to what the world was saying.
I have learned my lesson
Except I'm not happy about it.
But there's one thing I'm happy about,
What goes around comes around!
Watch your back I daresay! :D

Cheers,
Archie dated 3 September, 2008.

A FEW RANDOM THOUGHTS

2008-06-09T07:21:00.000-07:00

The Journey

It is often said
The journey is more important
Than the destination.
Well, if the journey is this bad
The destination had better be good.

Dated 27 February, 2008

Why doesn't anybody understand, when I am
complaining I just wanna be listened to.
So, stop giving me solutions. You can try
 telling me how good I am instead. Trust me,
it will work much better than fault
 finding and exhortation.

Why is it so difficult to admit to
 having made a mistake?

Why do some people derive pleasure
in making life difficult for others?

Why is it that some people refuse
to see beneath the surface? The
reality stares back at them
through a veil and they refuse to
see the truth for what it is.

Why do absolute deceit and absolute
faith so often have such a thin line
between them?

Why is it so difficult for some to
offer words of comfort or empathize?
As humans aren't we well equipped for
the task? If you don't understand this,
try listening when a person is upset
 with you. Don't expect them to
say it, just observe them with compassion 
and you'll find what they want through
 the chaff. And most often,
it's not something expensive.

Tell me to do it and you will find me
 decided not to do it. Tell me not to do it,
you'll find I've done it already.

Why can't some people understand you no
matter how long they've lived with you?
They just refuse to accept you for
who you are.

DON'T TELL ME

2008-05-12T10:12:00.000-07:00

Don't tell me
I am wrong
When I admit my mistake.
When I'm saying I won't
Repeat it, I mean it.
Don't preach!
I do not claim to know everything.
I never said I will always do what is right.
Cut me some slack.
I am just finding my way through life.
Taking it one step at a time
So I am not overwhelmed
By the sheer magnitude of what
I have to achieve.
Did I say I have to?
I meant I choose to.
Doing what I choose to do is
Taking a lot out of me.
I feel like I am losing a part
Of myself in
Trying to become what I want to be.
I don't wish to give so much.
But I guess I will have to sacrifice
If I want to get to where I want to.
Or at least people who genuinely care
About me want me to get to.

If I make mistakes on the way,
I will learn from them myself.
I am not omniscient
Neither do I want to be.
So don't tell me.
Don't preach.

Archana, 12 May, 2008

HOPE

2008-05-09T11:02:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my life
I have hope.
Hope that the future is going
To be better than my past,
Better than my present.

What life had put me through
Had me convinced
That I deserved nothing good.
That anything good
That occasionally happened
Had happened by accident.
That the good things in my life would
Go away never to come back.

But now I have hope.
Lame though it sounds
I have faith in a person whom
I have not even met.
A person who will care for me.
Someone who would never
Let go of me despite my idiosyncrasies.
Somebody who will love me
For who I am.
Somebody who will create so
Much faith for himself in me
That I can laugh at my own insecurities.
Somebody who will find my imperfections so perfect
That I can actually let go of the feeling of being inferior.
That I can be myself with him
And never have to fear abandonment.

Somebody whom I'd give my life for
For loyalty is in my blood.
Somebody, whom I will
Love, cherish and protect
For as long as I live.

Archana, 9 May, 2008

I LET GO

2008-04-29T03:48:00.000-07:00

I let go of the past
That involves you and your deceit.
I let go of the feeling I cherished for you.

I never even looked at you.
It was you who made me fall in love
Like I can never love again.
Then, you spun an intricate web around me
Only to deceive.

If it was another
You wanted all along
Why look at me
Like you cared?
Here I was thinking
That I was special
That you could not talk to me
Because you were shy!
What a fool you must have thought of me!
And what a fool I have been
To not believe the world
And believe the look in your eyes.

I am happy
It's over
And you broke the spell
Had it been me, I'd have felt guilty
For letting you down for the rest of my life!
I find misunderstandings a lot harder to forgive than deceit.
You do not deserve me
That I know now.

What I cannot explain to myself
Is how did I have that kind of
Blind faith in you?
When I find it hard to trust most individuals
Even after a trial by fire?
It makes me believe
You did care for me once
Because my intuition could not have let me down.
Something happened that changed your mind about our relationship.
But that does not acquit you of betraying me.
And it makes me angry with myself for
Making excuses for you
After the way you treated me
And wasted my life.
Makes me believe
Love is blind.

You start a new life
With the other person.
Make sure you do not let her down.
She may not be as kind as me
To let you go as I did.

I have just one problem
I am not able to overcome.
How do I listen to the songs again that
I have associated with you?
How do I move away from
The world I created for us?

I am a strong girl.
I know I can move on.
Move on I will.
I do not blame you
Because I do not want my heart
To hold any resentment
That I cannot moderate.
While it lasted it was beautiful.
Now that it's over
I don't regret it.

Archana, dated 29/4/08

THE SIN BEARER

2008-02-22T20:51:00.001-08:00

It's a celebration
An occasion commemorated
In no mean measure a homa.
Our traditional bonfire
Surrounded by Pundits
Who chant shlokas
To bring fortune on the people
Who commissioned it.

No one noticed him
When he came in.
He was the kind of person
One ordinarily wouldn't notice
Just because nothing differentiates him
From the rest of the poor men.

He had a weak body
And a sad expression.
There was an inexplicable
Sadness in his eyes.
He looked like a person
Who had seen nothing but suffering.
Someone who had given up on achievement
And defeated by life
Had given in to destiny.

At the end of the homa
He came forward
And was given a sad reward.
A meagre consideration
In exchange for a family's sins.
A burden chooses to carry
Until he purifies himself
With a bath in the Ganges.

Is this how retribution works?
Can someone's sins be transferred
To a willing object?
Why would anyone choose such a life?
Is fate insurmountable?
The sin bearer walks away
With his reward.

Archana, dated 21/02/08

To all my loving readers

2008-02-22T20:44:00.000-08:00

I am back! I am so sorry I have not updated my blog in ages! It's like I have been caught in a time warp I had no time for myself. Sounds suspicious? Trust me! I am as honest as honest can get. hehe. Anyway, now that I am back I am determined to document the rest of my ramblings. Thanks very much for the support!

Loads of love,
Archie

THE GREATEST WILL

2007-10-13T03:36:00.000-07:00

If you ask me,
The greatest will
Is the will to go on living.
Come what may.
This will can keep your spirits
From sagging, to hold on to life
When you feel you have no reason to.
It leads you to be practical
To realize the truth
That nothing is permanent.
Neither your grief nor your ecstasy.
Besides, the more you live
The more you learn.
Someone has rightly said,
"You can die anytime. It takes courage to live."
It takes courage,
A whole lot of it
To put failures behind you,
To look beyond the present misery
When all you want to do is give up.
Don't let go of the greatest will
The will to go on living.

Dated 25/07/2007

THE IDEAL WISH

2007-10-13T03:29:00.000-07:00

I wish it were possible
To entirely understand
The intentions and expectations
Of another person.
To be really in their shoes,
To look at the world
From their perspective.
It is a strange wish you say?
To me, it is the ideal wish.
There would be no misunderstandings,
No complaints that
"No one understands me!"
For each person is different,
The same set of circumstances
Draw different responses from each.
What affects one the most
Does not affect the other in the least.
The ideal wish would act as a key,
A key to the complex mystery,
To restore strained relationships
Into harmony.

Dated 2/07/2005

MY CONFIDENCE

2007-10-13T03:23:00.000-07:00

You have broken.
My confidant,
My confidence in you
You have broken.
I trusted you,
My implicit faith in you
You have broken.
Your words now sound to me hollow.
The bright things you said,
The promises that you made
You have broken.
Exploitation of my innocence
Is what you did.
Before i snapped awake
From a nightmare of your creation,
It was too late.
It is my heart
That you break,
When you refuse
To even acknowledge the pain
You inflicted on me.

Dated 2/7/2005

HEAR ME OUT

2007-10-13T02:28:00.000-07:00

He wants to speak,
She wants to speak,
They want to speak,
Nobody wants to listen.
Everyone only thinks of
Getting their points of view across
As clearly, as definitely as possible.
If everyone wants an audience
Who is going to be the audience?
Communication does not imply
All talk no one listens.
Besides, isn't it more beneficial
To listen and observe
Than let out all the personal secrets
At the slightest prodding from that other person?
It's not safe to lay all your cards on the table.
Have a trick or two up your sleeve.
Listen to understand, not to reply!
Listen to read between the lines.
The world is the listener's paradise
With such variety of information.
Listen.

Dated 5th June, 2005

A MOMENT'S SANITY IN AN INSANE WORLD.

2007-09-28T06:04:00.001-07:00

Ring, ring, ring, ring
Goes your alarm at 6AM!
It doesn't know you are an insomniac,
That you need sleep.

You know if you don't hurry
You will miss that all important appointment.
Tick Tock, Tick Tock,
You work like clockwork.
You miss a beat,
You are a mess.

Who are you? What do you really want?
Oh you haven't a moment to spare!
You just want to get through today,
Tomorrow is another day.

Stop and search.
Search for a moment's sanity in an insane world.
Can you look into those deep eyes
That stare back at you from the mirror?
Do you recognize your own reflection?
When was the last time you met yourself?
Introspect.
Get your priorities straight.
Search for a moment's sanity in an insane world.

Dated 21/11/05

A NEW LIFE

2007-07-17T05:58:00.000-07:00

There comes a time
In everyone's life
When you are no longer
Intimidated by change.
You seek it out
Despite the unpredictability it brings along.
At a time like this you would say,
"Anything can be better than this!"

Or you could be the opportunist
Who plunges right into any adventure
Or any challenge that comes his way.

There is yet another kind;
They are the fatalists.
They believe that things happen
Because of destiny.

I believe in the redoubtable pragmatist
Who probably does
Think of an ideal world
But never gets lost
In illusion or fantasy.
To him it is about
Taking life one step at a time.
Facing life as it unfolds
Beauties and beasts intact.
He masters his emotions
More than they master him.
He listens to his heart
But uses his mind.

Dated 15/06/07

THE TRUTH OF LIFE

2007-07-17T05:44:00.000-07:00

Delving into the depths of philosophy
Is no mean entertainment.
Entertainment did i say?
I meant realisation.
For one often knows
The truths of life
But subconsciously tries to dismiss it.
I am guessing it is for the
Collective benefit of the emotions and illusions.
Others would call it circumstance?

I believe that real happiness
Comes from inner strength
An "I can face it" attitude to life.
When a person is steady enough
To take good and bad news
With the same fortitude;
I do not mean indifference,
I refer to detachment
And yet at the same time
Feel the joy of an achievement
And the pang of a disappointment
He has understood life
And its transience
And the true meaning
For his existence on the planet.

Dated 15/06/07

2007-07-13T05:52:00.001-07:00

To me poetry is an expression of my inner self. It is about how i feel at a given point in time. The timing is very important which is why i date all my poems. I am never able to write good poetry on demand! :) Strangely enough i can never write a poem when i am at peace with myself. I need to be disturbed somehow. So you may notice many melancholic undertones in what i write but i always end on a positive note. I figure that i am an optimist who just wants to be a pessimist. why? Your guess is as good as mine. I wait for the day when i can write what i feel is a good reflection of myself when i am happy. Here i have put in a few of my poems in no particular order. So long!

SET ME FREE

2007-07-13T05:44:00.000-07:00

I want to be a bird.
I wish to fly high
Into the vast blue sky
Set me free.

I want to be a tree.
A tree among a multitude of others
In a dense forest.
Set me free.

I want to be an animal.
Independent and undisturbed
In my natural habitat.
Set me free.

I want to break away,
Away from the things that torment me.
I seek freedom,
I seek anonymity,
I seek solitude.
Set me free.

Dated 16/1/05

PERCEPTIONS

2007-07-13T05:24:00.000-07:00

The world around you
Is not what it is in reality,
But is actually
How you look at it.
When you are ecstatic,
The world is a beautiful dream come true.
When you are blue,
The world is the last place you want to be in.
You are sure
The other person is making a mistake,
But look at it from his angle
You will find he is convinced
He is in the right.

Perceptions are everything.
It is necessary to exercise caution
While making perceptions,
As they dictate who you are
And what you see and hear.

Dated 27/5/05

THE REAL ME

2007-07-11T05:59:00.000-07:00

You think you know me?
Guess again.
For what you see is what i show you,
Not what i really am
Not the real me.

You see my evergreen smile,
You witness my laugh.
You think i am happy
Well, think again.
You are in for a surprise,
Or should i say disappointment?

You think you understand me,
You do, my superficial self.
You have no idea what's going on
In the inside of my head.
What worries me?
What doesn't?
You couldn't have a clue to that!

I am a mystery,
That you can unravel only when i choose
To disclose myself.
I may sound complicated,
But i am just a little girl at heart;
Sensitive and diffident,
Scared of the harsh world
Ready to give and receive love.

Dated 19/5/05