Bring It!

Steve Jobs famously said:

“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out 

your own inner voice."

It's fantastic really

How you're absolutely clear about what you want one moment

And the world around you sings in chorus 

Telling you/arguing with you

That they know what you want

And it's different from what you want for yourself.

Initially you let it go

Because you're sure you want what you want.

Slowly it begins to creep in on you though.

Then come the questions

That put you on the defensive

Until you find yourself

Convincing the whole world

About why you want what you want

Only to be told forcefully

That you can't possibly know what is right for you.

Going so far as to say

Let's assume I'm wrong

Even then, why don't I get to make a decision for my life?

When I believe body, heart, mind and soul

That it is the right thing for me to do

For myself and everyone concerned?

How did I get to where I started doubting myself?

How did I get to a place

Where I'm upset that I don't have what the world tells me to want

Even if I have everything I wanted when I started out?

Since when did other people's opinions

Become more important to me than my own?

How did I let this happen to myself?

How did I let the world convince me

That I want what they want for me?

I'm super puzzled 

And as the anger at myself for letting this happen to me subsides,

I'm starting to feel amused. 

I realize in my stupid feeling of superiority

I'd considered myself above all of this

Until this realization brings me to reality.

It's cool how the hard lessons you learn in life 

Teach you the beautiful virtue of humility.

This in a way that no spiritual discourse in the world can do.

It's not easy for me to admit defeat.

For all my gentleness and docility

I'm very strong and brave.

It used to be impossible for me to grasp that I've failed at something.

So long as you keep trying, you haven't failed no?

Again life teaches me that it's more graceful to concede

When it's clear you've lost. 

Sometimes yielding to something

Sets you free 

Because you're no longer fighting a phantom

And more than that, it closes a chapter in your head

To me I find the latter is more important. 

For every ending is but a new beginning

And then you can move forward with a clean slate.

Here it is, the truth in all its glorious simplicity,

Round one, I lose

Round two, we're on.

I know what I want.

I have to shut down other lesser alternatives

That keep me hanging 

That do not allow me to move forward in any meaningful way.

I have to say no to two steps forward, five steps back.

I have to visualize, create and walk my own path.

Earlier I'd have said it's because I don't settle for less.

Now I regret to admit I wish I could settle for less.

I believe this is the lowest life can bring me to;

I wish and send a prayer that I don't stand corrected.

My life would be so much easier if I could just settle.

And so it would be for everyone else.

The fact stands though that settling is not an option for me.

Going through what I believe to be right is the only alternative I have.

It's an alternative I uphold not because I choose to

But because it's the only way I know to live. 

Something as primal as that cannot be overridden

Not even by me. 

The sooner I accept that, I get to peace that much faster.

It's the only intelligent thing to do under the circumstances. 

Bring it

Give it all you've got

Because I'm sure as hell not going to be caught off guard this time. 

The tragedy here is

It's a defeat either way

Because I know you genuinely wish the best for me

And proving you wrong is going to hurt me more. 

Again, I have to do what I have to do. 

If I can do it without hurting you, 

That will be my biggest victory.