I'm starting to realize that each moment is precious.
It's precious because time is a collection of moments.
And before you know it, time has past
And if time has past, so has life.
I used to write and write
To express myself.
To rebel against the world.
To complain against all of the injustices
Meted out to me by people, life, destiny.
Each time I'd thought I'd been through the worst.
That the worst was behind me.
Until surprise surprise!
This time I realized that
When you really go through something
And consistently too over a period of time,
You become quiet.
Like really quiet.
You question everything in your head about what you believed was real.
Your fundamental belief system goes through a re-evaluation.
You're so caught up in disbelief
That you keep questioning reality.
Like your questioning it is going to change it.
Living in denial allows you some time
Time to understand that something has happened
That you thought would never happen to you.
But that's all there is to it.
You still have to get up the next day
And do the things you're supposed to.
I get it that there is no badge of honor
For getting through the most painful life experiences you go through.
There is no bonus or certificate or tangible rewards.
No one is clapping.
I get it, I gave my life to it, failed horribly
And have nothing to show for it.
My hands are empty.
Thought I'd be further up on my journey by now
Than where I find myself now.
Thought all it took was relentless hardwork
Determination and courage.
Now I understand
That I cannot alter the course my life takes to my liking.
I cannot prevent all that I have to hear before I go.
No matter if it crashes me.
No matter if the world collapses around me.
At any point in time, I can only do my best.
And trust that my best is good enough.
Sometimes acceptance is the key.
Sometimes fighting it brings me back
It does not propel me forward.
Sometimes acceptance is best.
There is a reason why I went through what I did.
There is a reason why I'm going through what I am.
I may not know the reason now.
Maybe I'll never know.
But believing there is a reason
Helps me navigate today.
And for now, that is enough.
Maybe the lesson for me to learn
Is to not lament over what I don't have
But to appreciate what I still do.
Some times demand a leap of faith
Even if you have no evidence to believe.
Sometimes that's all you've got.
And maybe that's all you have
Is because that's all you need.
That's all you need to survive this moment.
And as moments become time
And time becomes life
Hope I will have lived a good one.
By the standard of measure of
What I will consider as important
At that point in the future.
Only time will tell.
And even if I fail
Maybe I could take refuge in the fact
That I lived out my destiny.
As bravely and as candidly as I could.
I fought each day for what I believed in
Maybe that will be my only victory.
There may be no audience to this victory
But it may be no ordinary victory to me.
