Tuesday, July 19, 2011

This is Me

I refuse to give up on me
For anyone or anything.
Yes, I'm complicated
I never said it'd be easy.
When you come to me
I run.
When you leave
I want nothing more than to follow you.
I just need to know no matter what I do to you
You will stay with me.
That's the only kind of relationship that matters to me
The only one I'd fight the world to keep.

Is it too much to expect that kind of devotion
Before I show you who I am?
What do I do? I've been through so many times
Of feeling abandoned-I'm afraid another time will break me.

I know I want to lower my defenses
I want to let you in.
You let someone in, you get hurt.
But if you don't let anyone in,
You'll never know what it is to be loved.
To be so vulnerable to rejection is scary.
I like to operate from a place of strength
But sometimes it's vulnerability that is strength
And finding that kind of vulnerable strength takes
A lot of courage.
I doubt if I can muster it when you need me to.
I'm sorry if I'm letting you down.
I'm sorry if I'm letting go of something that could have been beautiful.
I'm sorry for giving up before I gave it my best shot.

I'm doing it in the strong belief
That if you're the one for me
You won't be able to let go of me.
If you're not the one for me
Nothing I do can get you to stay either.
I've been down that road before
It will hurt when you leave
It always does.
But I'm looking for the real thing.
And I ain't settling for less just yet.

19 July 2011