Sunday, October 4, 2009

The Invisible Thread

The thread that links,
The thread that captures and retains,
The thread that replays memories,
The thread that just won't snap
Not until you've made every effort to move on
That thread is your past.

Of course, they say life is a choice,
You always have a choice.
But if that choice is to hang in the balance
And not to move on?
What if it's to replay the sad tunes
And not the happy rhythms?
Argh, hehe why do I always have to
Get stuck in the rhetoric?
It's weird cos I hate it that
I have all the answers.
I am always caught in the realms of ironies.
I know exactly what I need to do
So I can't even feign ignorance.

Does it make it better or
Worse to know the answers?
Sometimes you can never tell.
But what is worst?
Ah, I know that for sure.
No matter how I get out
Or how much further I go away
From this predicament of not
Wanting to let go
Long after they've let go of me
I keep revisiting this space.
With a different circumstance every time
If that's a consolation.

I'd like to vacate this place of willful
Self destruction once and for all.
Because I know this experience
Saps me of my energy, skill and bravery.
It pushes me back in time
From where it is that much harder
For me to catch up from where I left off.

Maybe it's life's way of
Getting me skilled in
The art of letting go.
I must say I have a few tricks
Up my sleeve now.
I am learning
But nobody said learning'd be fun
And boy, it isn't!

I have a long way to go, yes.
I am a sensible and practical person, yes.
Too much self respect for my own good, yes.
So move on, I will.
I only hope this is the last time
Life forces me to move on.
I sincerely pray that the
Next time will be the time
I can have what I want for keeps.
I hope I never have to let go of what I love again.
hmmm, why do I have a nagging suspicion
I'm asking for too much?
Hehe, bring it on life
I will face you.

Archie
4 October, 2009

Friday, July 10, 2009

TAKING CONTROL

I want to go back to me.
I wish to be what I was once
Trusting and naive.
Seeing and believing
Without condition,
Without sarcasm and scepticism,
Without a past,
Without a memory,
I want to go back to me.

I've had enough
Of indecisive people
Who seem to be perpetually confused.
It's scary for me to see
I may be one of them.
Not deciding seems to give so much freedom.
Until I have decided
I can imagine all options
To be valid courses of action
And derive pleasure from that.
Except that's not the truth.
Peace does not stem from confusion.
It stems from clarity.

It's that clarity
That eludes me.
It's worse because I know
I'm consciously and sub-consciously
Wishing to be confused.

But now I know
I've had enough of the dilly-dallying.
I want clarity. I want peace.
I am not losing sleep over confusion.
I make my decision now.
I will only give it an hour
To sink in.

Archie
10 July, 2009